Mentally and spiritually I have been through the ringer lately. It's a good thing really, but one thing is really bugging me: other parents' reactions to my parenting. Often my children are doing something and I take a strategy to dealing with it that is different. Sometimes I let my child cry or whine because I want him to learn that it's okay to cry, but it doesn't mean they will get their way. I love my children dearly. Other times they are doing something that is not acceptable and I just sit and think what to do. Other parents assume that I don't know what to do, and sometimes offer advice. This is fine. But some parents get frustrated or try to tell me what to do, when really I am weighing my options. When I am frustrated with my children I don't mind someone taking over for me. I may be feeling frustrated because I think I should be the one in there doing it all, but I usually let that slide. But lately I am just standing there, weighing my options and someone tries to take over or tell me what to do. We're not talking about ten minutes here either, just a couple of seconds. That kind of reaction can have disastrous effects. Unless you are 100% sure what you are doing is going to work, why not stop and think about it, and then find the best way to do it? Anyhow, it's just been an adventure lately. I also think that my youthful looks may be a factor. I am not bragging here, and I do think I have aged some, but I think I could still walk into a high school and be mistaken for a student. I know why that makes people nervous. They treat kids like kids. They mistakenly assume that they are not advanced or mature enough to understand. Let me tell you something. Children will rise to your level of expectation. If you expect them to understand, and talk to them like they will, they will learn to rise to the occasion. And guess what? Even if you don't, they will try to understand and then keep it to themselves. Several parents have been surprised at the mature ways they have caught their children speaking to their friends. I haven't been doing this with my kids until now. I remember I did this before I was single and had children, and without fail, children warmed up to me and they did what I asked them. When I substitute taught, I knew with my young appearance I would have a hard time telling kids what to do if I had any sort of attitude. So I talked to them as if I was one of them. At times I was still authoritative, when speaking to a whole class, but others I found it was helpful to make requests. Upon seeing a junior high student in the hallway at lunchtime, I knew I was supposed to get him back in the cafeteria, so I said "hey, will you go back in there for me?" he said yes and I said thanks. One less enemy for the day. Children respond to respect and I always try to afford them that. OK, one more thing. I totally hate when parents always give their children the reason we should or should not do something. Sometimes it is good, like "hey, we shouldn't touch the hot stove, because it will hurt", or "you should be nice to your friends or they won't like you". I am talking about the long-winded explanations, which the child has to repeat to everybody else, usually with a know-it-all attitude that says "my mom told me, so I know now (neener, neener, neener)".
All of that said, I have to salute everyone for being a parent. It is not for the spiritually weak, and I know that God will help us. To all of you I wish good luck.
